Dicky Mint, Dicky Mint
What have you got there
A diddy red mini of vintage so rare
To take diddy people to Diddycombe fair
Nicky Nugget
Dicky Dogget
Mick the Marmalizer
Smarty Arty
Little Evan
Wee Hamish
The honurable Nigel Ponsonby-Smallpiece
Sid Short
Weenie Wallie
Harry Cart
And old Doddie Doddie and all
And old Doddie Doddie and all

Dicky started the engine and off they all shot
Through villagers and haystacks, red lights and the lot
A cow tried to stop them and X marks the spot with
Nicky Nugget
Dicky Dogget
Mick the Marmalizer
Smarty Arty
Little Evan
Wee Hamish
The honurable Nigel Ponsonby-Smallpiece
Sid Short
Weenie Wallie
Harry Cart
And old Doddie Doddie and all
And old Doddie Doddie and all

Then they ran out of petrol and great was their plight
They put in some whisky that moved them alright
They were had up for driving a car that was tight
Nicky Nugget
Dicky Dogget
Mick the Marmalizer
Smarty Arty
Little Evan
Wee Hamish
The honurable Nigel Ponsonby-Smallpiece
Sid Short
Weenie Wallie
Harry Cart
And old Doddie Doddie and all
And old Doddie Doddie and all

Then the car came to grief in a big cloud of dust
Dicky bent all the engine all covered in rust
And the diddy men shouted your big end has bust with
Nicky Nugget
Dicky Dogget
Mick the Marmalizer
Smarty Arty
Little Evan
Wee Hamish
The honurable Nigel Ponsonby-Smallpiece
Sid Short
Weenie Wallie
Harry Cart
And old Doddie Doddie and all
And old Doddie Doddie and all

As they gazed at the mini in gloom and dismay
Their sad diddy tears fell and trickled away
And seventeen moggies got drownded that day with
Nicky Nugget
Dicky Dogget
Mick the Marmalizer
Smarty Arty
Little Evan
Wee Hamish
The honurable Nigel Ponsonby-Smallpiece
Sid Short
Weenie Wallie
Harry Cart
And old Doddie Doddie and all
And old Doddie Doddie and all

Not a hope left of getting to Diddycombe fair
When a plain Farmer Giles with his diddy grey mare
So he hitched up the mini and towed them all there with
Nicky Nugget
Dicky Dogget
Mick the Marmalizer
Smarty Arty
Little Evan
Wee Hamish
The honurable Nigel Ponsonby-Smallpiece
Sid Short
Weenie Wallie
Harry Cart
And old Doddie Doddie and all
And old Doddie Doddie and all

So this is the story the diddymen tell
Of the Diddycombe journey and all that befell
Now the diddymen bid you a diddy farewell with
Nicky Nugget
Dicky Dogget
Mick the Marmalizer
Smarty Arty
Little Evan
Wee Hamish
The honurable Nigel Ponsonby-Smallpiece
Sid Short
Weenie Wallie
Harry Cart
And old Doddie Doddie and all
And old Doddie Doddie and all.

